wow.

so i'm apparently not very good at keeping up with things. i don't think that i ever have been, but it's glaringly apparent when you go to your blog and the last entry was 2 months ago. jesus! i'm declaring that to be one of my new years goals… follow through. it's one of very, very few faults of mine. possibly the only one ;)
back to the 'wow' in the post title.
so i figure that it's safe to write this here as no one reads this blog and if this post does happen to find eyes in the blogosphere, chances are they won't be those of anyone i know… so… i'll just go out and say it…

i.
am.
pregnant.

again!! unreal. totally and truly unreal. Lucy is just 5 months! how did this happen?? well… i know how it happened, but… how did this happen?? ugh. so exciting and terrifying and grateful. i'm just in shock. it feels a lot like last time. i was supposed to get my period on wednesday and took the test on friday (today) and both times i had a feeling before i even missed my period. call it coincidence, call it mother's intuition, whatever it is, it's kind of awesome.
the only teeny reservation or fear or anxiety that i have is that i have no reference point for siblings. yes, my husband is one of 4. yes, my mom is one of 7 and my dad is one of 8. yes, all of my friends have siblings. but… BUT, i'm an only child. i don't know why, but having another child makes me nervous solely because i don't know the daily ins and outs of living with siblings. will my kids feel loved enough? will i be able to give my everything to all of my children equally? i don't know. it's silly and i'm sure that every second time mom has the same reservations. i just hope that my babies know that my love for them is equal and eternal.
so there! my big wow. i'm going to be buying several more tests tomorrow just in case, but the one i took today was a strong yes.
gah!