christmas (a few weeks late...)

how was your holiday? ours was insane. absolutely insane, but when is it not. and now, adding Lucy into the mix, it was glorious and exciting and tiring and stressful and the best. the very best. this little stink neck makes life so much better and the holidays only make it that more evident. ugh I just can't stop talking about my little love! anywhosies.  

Lu gave us (me) the best gift of all... she slept in till 8:30! toot toot! of course that doesn't mean ish for me, seeing as that sleeping in has never been a talent of mine, especially since having a baby. but! it allowed me a few hours by myself to lay around and gaze at our tree (probably the best tree we've ever had. seriously. it's still in it's stand, right outside our kitchen windows so I can still loving look at it whenever I want.). goddamn I love that tree.

kevan and lucy woke around the same time, he made some tea, then it was present time. oh... and it only took like 13 attempts to get this not-as-horrible-as-the-rest shot.  

so excited about her new wubba that she went cross-eyed! other than wrapping paper, this was by far her favorite gift. and oh my god aren't her socks too cute?? my neighbor Tracy bought them and another pair at a craft fair. these ones have a big ol' santa head on the toes that she loves to grab at :)

after we opened gifts at our house, we went to my parents for breakfast and more presents (ah! the season of giving!). my grandparents stay with them whenever they're in town, which is so, so, so great. they truly are the best and I am incredibly grateful that I get to spend a little extra time with them.

my dad and Lu. being all cute and stuff. he and that little girl are as thick as thieves. there is not much in this world that is cuter than watching them together.

after my parents, we hoped over to my in-law's for brunch and more presents (ah! the season of the ever expanding waist line...). the queen was there! does that mask not look so real? it was unbelievable how life-like all of the pictures were coming out (other than the eyes, of course. they kind of give it away...haha).

Kevan's sweetest grandma Pat held Lucy and kept cooing "how bout that. how bout that" and my heart melted over and over and over again.

we ended the day, relaxing downstairs. napping, watching movies, hanging with our main Winnie. it was pretty great.

pretty damn great.

i'm the worst.

the absolute worst at keeping secrets and this is a huge one. I've only told my husband, my parents, and you, the great abyss of internet nothingness. ah! everyday I want to walk into the office and yell, "I'm pregnant!" and what makes it worse is that there are 3 other women... 3!... that are pregnant right now and I desperately want to be like "me too! me too!"... but I can't. and every time I talk to one of my girlfriends or my aunties or my sister-cousin I just want to spill. it. all. spillitall. gotdamn this is going to be a very. very. VERY hard 7 and a half weeks. ugh. ugh for a good reason, but ugh none the less.

in other news... isn't my mushy just the damn cutest?? she looks like such a chunky eskimo baby <3
I just love the little babe with all of my might!

it starts.

how funny it is that you somehow forget all of the bad parts of pregnancy as soon as that cute little cherub pops into the world. I've just been smacked in the face with glorious exhaustion (the kind that is almost painful) and I'm suddenly remembering... yes. this part sucked. the body aching, crawl under my desk, can't hold my eyes open for another moment exhaustion. ugh.

when I look back on my pregnancy with Lucy, it is most definitely through rose colored glasses. yes I was tired, but never that tired. yes I was nauseous, but never too nauseous. all emotions and symptoms came and went with the greatest of ease and then my beautiful baby girl was born. BUT I seem to so easily forget those many days in the beginning that I crawled under my desk and slept for 20 minutes or that time I threw up in my garbage can or right outside of that restaurant or in the bathroom of that other restaurant for 15 minutes (tomatoes... oh the tomatoes.) or the many times I cried and thought to myself, "this is weird. I'm not even sure what I'm crying about" or the countless times I was 2 seconds from my head spinning exercise style because of something my husband said.

wow.

so i'm apparently not very good at keeping up with things. i don't think that i ever have been, but it's glaringly apparent when you go to your blog and the last entry was 2 months ago. jesus! i'm declaring that to be one of my new years goals… follow through. it's one of very, very few faults of mine. possibly the only one ;)
back to the 'wow' in the post title.
so i figure that it's safe to write this here as no one reads this blog and if this post does happen to find eyes in the blogosphere, chances are they won't be those of anyone i know… so… i'll just go out and say it…

i.
am.
pregnant.

again!! unreal. totally and truly unreal. Lucy is just 5 months! how did this happen?? well… i know how it happened, but… how did this happen?? ugh. so exciting and terrifying and grateful. i'm just in shock. it feels a lot like last time. i was supposed to get my period on wednesday and took the test on friday (today) and both times i had a feeling before i even missed my period. call it coincidence, call it mother's intuition, whatever it is, it's kind of awesome.
the only teeny reservation or fear or anxiety that i have is that i have no reference point for siblings. yes, my husband is one of 4. yes, my mom is one of 7 and my dad is one of 8. yes, all of my friends have siblings. but… BUT, i'm an only child. i don't know why, but having another child makes me nervous solely because i don't know the daily ins and outs of living with siblings. will my kids feel loved enough? will i be able to give my everything to all of my children equally? i don't know. it's silly and i'm sure that every second time mom has the same reservations. i just hope that my babies know that my love for them is equal and eternal.
so there! my big wow. i'm going to be buying several more tests tomorrow just in case, but the one i took today was a strong yes.
gah!