stay in your lane.

 

 

i'm usually so good at this! i have always had relatively strong opinions on allowing others to do their thing without my nose getting into their business. as long as it's not harmful to themselves or others and does not affect me in some adverse way, who am i to say what you can and cannot think, feel, or do?  i was not placed on this earth to pass judgment on someone else's life, just as i expect the same in return. there's a chance that i may not agree with you, but that does not mean that i would ever tell you that you can't do/think/feel how you do. now... having an opinion and bringing that up at happy hour is, in my mind, different ;)

 

BUT!

 

there's this thing that's happening in my family right now. and it's so hard to stay out of it and it's so hard to stay in my lane, when all that i want to do is yell, "what the fuck is wrong with you??? this is the most selfish choice that i have ever witnessed! you have done nothing to prove that you are even remotely capable to handle this and no one. literally no one. thinks that this is a good thing." (well that feels better!). and yes, i know that i'm not a alone in my feelings, but i am alone in the fact that i cannot let go and move forward. i think about this thing daily and it is such a toxic situation and by merely thinking about it all, i'm mentally and emotionally brought down to a negative place.

 

and yes, i believe that part of this is my own issue. the miscarriages, the trying, the single line on the test. it sucks and it's part of my disdain and it's part of my inability to let go and it really, really sucks that my vagina is supposed to sing red on Saturday when i'll be helping to host a little party for said issue and i know that i'll be a wreck (hopefully internally, at least until the party's over... jeesh) and all of this builds into my feelings and makes it hard to differentiate my disgust at the situation and my heartbreak that it isn't me.

 

i need to let it go. i need to stay in my lane and let it go, because i know that i wouldn't be feeling THIS strongly if i wasn't having my own struggle right now and i need to have hope that it will be me when the time is right and that even though i truly am disheartened and let down by what's going on, it's not my life. it's not my choice. it's not my problem.

 

i need to remind myself to have hope, not hate. i can't change what's happening... plus, hope is a better feeling than hate.

morning off.

there was a power outage at work! and it was awesome because i hadn't even gotten out of my pajamas! so instead of stumbling out of the house at 7:30 gross, i was home with my number one... and two... girls until almost noon! squeak!

!!!

so aside from my obvious excitement at being able to stay home with my babes, mornings with my girl are my absolute favorite and oddly enough... trying out new breakfasts with her is a big part of that. i've always been a huge proponent of introducing lucy to as much diverse flavor as possible. trying to expand her little palette in hopes that she won't be super picky and for the most part, it's worked... fingers crossed, wood knocked.

 

one thing that i like to mess with, because it's easy is adding things to her eggs in the morning. this morning i put in a few dashes of dill and cajun spice before whipping up the eggs and slow scrambling them. oh so good. the cajun spice isn't hot spicy, which is perfect for a baby's mouth and offers a round flavor... a little more edge than plain old eggs (which is all that my husband makes for her ugh). she also loooooves avocados and toast, but avocado toast? not a fan. i'm pretty sure winnie was handed those. 

mmmmmmm... there's nothing like wheat grass in the morning :) for real though... one of my girlfriend's girlfriend swears by a glass of wheat grass in the morning. i can't remember the brand... it's organic and tastes like horse hay.... but it's honestly unreal. one glass in the morning will give me more than enough energy to last the day... WITHOUT coffee! say what! the only reason that i had that delicious starbucks brew out this particular morning was because I had to drink it before it went bad... woa is me. really though... amazon that ish. it's awesome. organic wheat grass for the win. oh... and brekkie with the winnies and a little frozen ain't bad either. 

aaaaand i had to post these because awwww! so cute!  

happy Halloween (a week late...)!!! 

new beginning.

New month.

New beginning.

New mindset.

New focus.

New start.

New intentions.

New results.

my mantra.
it's been so hard for me to get on a kick lately.
i know what i need. i know what i need to do and i get there, it just doesn't stick.
but it's got to.
i need to get healthy for my baby, for my husband, for any future babies.
most importantly, for me.

so i'm using this day, the first of the month, to be a jumping off point.
a new beginning.