baby gap.

honestly, my addiction with this damn store is nearing fanatic. i check the website several times a week and have filled lu's drawers and closet to the top with stuff. that's all that it is! stuff. ugh. i need to stop... but i can't! i mean look at these... how could you say no??

these are all in my cart along with many... many of their friends just waiting to be scooped up once the friends and family sale starts. which... I'm not sure why they even have. i swear there's a new discount code every other day. one of my girlfriends and i were talking about that and wondering how they manage to make money when they're clothes are always going to their sale section within weeks of being brought on and on top of that, at least once a week there's a 35% or 40% discount going. oh well! more clothes for my baby!

talking about loss.

i see myself as a pretty open and honest person. there aren't many topics that i'll stray from or avoid... really only including admitting my actual weight, telling my husband the amount i spent at baby gap, and saying how much i drank last night, which is typically only because i can't remember... but talking about loss, that one's different.

recently i've had a good handful of people ask me if and when we're going to start trying again and i almost feel like i'm lying to everyone when i don't answer the question, "well, i actually just miscarried... so... there's that", but at the same time, i feel like i would be bringing the mood down or that mentioning it would make people pitty me and like i've said before, although i am sad and probably always will be, i am at complete peace with everything and how it all happened and i don't mind talking about it.

so how do you ?

i know that the easiest thing to say is, "just be honest", but as in the aforementioned paragraph, i think that the hardest part is not wanting to make other's sad or feel awkward or i don't know. it's just strange. miscarrying is such a private loss and something that is not easily talked about. i was exactly 10 weeks. we had just told his family and had told my parents a few weeks prior. we were at the stage where we were talking about how we were going to set up the nursery, were we going to find out this time (we didn't with lucy), how we were going to tell everyone else. and then bam. it was over.

so how do you bring up something that was so private, but so close to being so public. no one other than our immediate family knew and yet we were at the cusp of everyone knowing. i don't know. i'm rambling. i still haven't told a few of my best friends merely because i don't know how to bring it up and maybe that's a me thing. maybe i'm not as open as i think i am or at least not as open when it comes to being vulnerable or fear i may being pitied.

blurgh.

life is just so damn complicated sometimes! for now... i leave you with my little toots, looking like she's a toddler and wearing the cutest little romper that will probably not fit much longer, so i will make her wear it every.day.:

 

 

romper is from target

 

haaave mercy <3