well, i made it through my first week back from maternity leave and i didn't die. no, it really wasn't bad at all. i have a great circle of friends and the days are busy with work, laughing, and little bit of gossip and i'm sure that if i were in a career that i loved, this would've been an amazing transition, but… i'm not and what last week really showed me was that my desire to be a stay at home mom is strong. like really strong. i want to cultivate a life for my family. i want to teach my children everyday. i want to watch and experience their beginnings in this world and i know that you can do that as a working mother, but it's different. you have to learn to share your child and those teachings and those experiences with someone else.
kevan and i haven't had the final conversation yet, so i'm not going to count it out, but me staying home… although wonderful and amazing and my right now dream… would mean a change in our lifestyle. right now, we have a pretty good cushion. one that we can rely on, that doesn't leave us with financial stress and that's a huge thing. and me staying home wouldn't mean that we would be on the breadline by any means, but big trips and house projects and filling my cart at baby gap just wouldn't be as frequent and that can be a hard reality to get used to.
so for the time being, we are where we are. i'm using a ton of PTO every week so that i can be with my girl as much as i can and we're counting down the clock till the ball drops and the new year has begun. our deadline for a decision is approaching and although i know what i'd like, it may not be the best for our family and when all is said and done, what i truly want is what's best for us.
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