cautiously extatic.

i was going to write this post yesterday about getting pregnant after miscarrying and the fears and excitement and nervousness and hope that's all wrapped into one giant ball of morning sickness vomit. and how i had an appointment tomorrow (which is now today... right this moment actually) that would tell us what feelings we could feel, whether it be devastation or pure happiness. and how teetering on the edge of those two emotions can make a person go fucking crazy.

but here i am, waiting for the nurse to pop into the room (which in my honest opinion is worse than the suspense you get while watching a horror movie and is the top of the top reason why i hate going to the doctor), and i'm pregnant. we saw our little bug moving around and its teeny heartbeat bumping away ("that sounds great!" said the tech) and although we are OVER THE GODDAMN MOON!!!!!! there is still that incling of fear, the what ifs, the i hope this lasts.

for now, we're cautiously soaking up every minute with this leetle embryo ❤️

and for real... what the fuck. i love and respect all nurses, but are you having a pizza party in the damn lounge while i'm stuck like a rat in a sterile cage for 45 minutes? is it cindy's birthday and you're all singing and opening gifts and rhonda is sneaking rum into the punch bowl while i rot in this 6x10? hey guess what? i really enjoy pizza and fucking love cake and i also have to get back to work, so please... put down the pepperoni and let's get this shit over with!

(typed as nurse enters room...)